


angel of small death

by Anonymous



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Knifeplay, Nonbinary Character, Other, Panic Attacks, Poisoning, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:13:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25168999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Astrid,” xe repeats, quiet and soft. “It’s okay.”“I know,” she says, but she doesn’t sound sure. “It just-”“I know,” xe says, echoing her. "It sickens you to feel this way about me, but you are a curious woman by nature. You want to see just how much I can take." Xe smiles at her, white teeth bared as both intimidation and encouragement, predator and eager prey. "And I want to show you."
Relationships: Astrid/Eodwulf (Critical Role)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9
Collections: anonymous





	angel of small death

**Author's Note:**

> This was written after a group conversation about how helping your lover build up immunity to poison is something that can actually be so intimate. Thank you all for the inspiration, and thank you to my beta for looking over it!
> 
> Liam can pry nonbinary half-elf Eodwulf out of my cold trans hands.
> 
> Please heed the tags, but here are a few specific warnings: The working title for this was "poison but make it horny". A character gets (knowingly and consensually) poisoned several times. There are mentions of anxiety attacks, a mention of vomiting, and consensual but weirdly-timed sexual situations.
> 
> Title is from Hozier.

"What is it tonight?" Eodwulf's voice is even, casual, but the way xe licks xyr lips belies xyr nervousness. Xe looks good tonight, freshly shaved and wearing a simple black tunic and pants. They're not work clothes, even if they look it- Astrid knows the tunic is soft with age and use, too worn to pass inspection, and the pants are much the same. They're comfortable, familiar, and she doesn't blame xem for wanting to be comfortable for this.

"Why don't you tell me, Mx. Becker?" Astrid's chest feels tight- they've done this before, five times now, and she's followed all of the standard safety protocols along with a few she designed herself. She’s double, triple, quadruple-checked the dosage in relation to xyr weight and relative health, has two vials of antidote on her person and two more on a nearby table, and she _knows_ , scientifically, empirically, that the amount of the type of poison she’s using won’t be enough to kill xem. Still, her heart feels like it’s moments away from bursting from her chest, and it’s a struggle to keep her breathing even. _Xe wants this, asked for this_ , she repeats over and over in her head. _This is different. This isn't a job_.

It had started with the death of a colleague- Astrid had known her in passing, had spoken to her once or twice before, but hadn't really _known_ her, and certainly not well enough to _miss_ her. But the woman had died, and an autopsy revealed that poison had been the cause. The _Volstrucker_ had been on high alert for weeks afterwards, until it came to light that the dead woman had been experimenting with toxins and hadn't worn the proper protective equipment. Despite this, a cautious tension remained, and Eodwulf had approached Astrid asking for assistance in building up xyr tolerance to the most common poisons. And she's never been able to tell xem no.

“You’ll have to give me a little more than that look if you want me to figure it out. Can I see the vial?”

“You won’t get to see the vial if you’re being poisoned,” she says, but she hands it over with a shaking hand nevertheless. Wulf’s fingers brush against hers, warm and rough, and it’s a spark of comfort in the chaotic swirling of fear within her. She wants to feel xyr hand in hers, but it isn’t time for that yet. 

Xe examines the vial, so small in xyr large hand as xe holds it up to the light. The liquid inside is a translucent milky-white that moves sluggishly as the vial is tilted, and Astrid is torn between watching it and watching Wulf’s face. The look of concentration on xyr face is attractive, and despite the unease she feels, the warmth of arousal is starting to stir within her. When xe uncorks the vial and brings it almost too close to xyr face, her stomach lurches, but she’s taught xem well. Xe keeps the vial just far away enough to smell, but not close enough for the fumes to affect xem. It’s a relief when the vial is re-corked and handed back to her. 

“Well? This is an easy one.”

“A little _too_ easy. I hope you’re not holding out on me, Ms. Bachmann.”

She is, of course- their first time doing this, she had started with too potent a poison, and Wulf had spent one day in the infirmary and three more on bedrest. Xe told her that xe’d been coming down with a cold anyways, but she had spent those days hovering fearfully by xyr side, afraid to get too close, afraid to leave. 

Still, once Wulf recovered, xe had asked for it again. She had wanted to say no, to turn xem away, to tell xem _you are going to die younger than you should no matter what so stop trying to rush into your grave_ , but she didn't. Instead she had agreed and xe had kissed her and they had gone to bed together. Afterwards as they laid naked, side-by-side in Astrid's too-large bed, Wulf had made some comment about how xe didn't expect asking to be poisoned to be such a turn-on. Astrid had bitten xyr shoulder in retaliation, not gently, and tried not to think about the ways in which that was true.

"If you're so certain you know what it is, you'll stop stalling and tell me."

Eodwulf pauses only for a second, seeming to face xyr self-doubt and shove it aside. "It's Winter's Water. The color and viscosity gave it away, and the faint scent of cinnamon confirmed my suspicions."

"Very impressive, Mx. Becker. Now, if you'd _really_ like to make me proud, you'll tell me the antidote."

"...ice spider venom?" Xe doesn't sound as certain, but it could very well be an act. 

"Close. The main ingredient of the antidote is an extract from ice spider venom, but it requires a bit of dilution and an overnight separation process. Which is why it is _crucial_ for anyone who may encounter this poison to have the antidote pre-prepared at all times. Winter's Water, if administered at the proper dosage, can kill you in-"

"Three to seven minutes, but your insides will feel like ice within two." Xe shivers just a little, and Astrid feels her resolve slipping.

"Correct. And you're certain…?"

"I trust you," xe says quietly.

_'I trust you.'_ Foolish, stupid, dangerous words that she has whispered back to xem so many times before.

"We're going to try something different tonight." Astrid stands up straight, and puts a hand on Eodwulf's chest, gently pushing xem back and down until xe's seated on a purposefully-placed wooden chair. The chair is, at this point, familiar as much as the routine is- only once have they not used it, and that was the most recent time when Wulf had sat in one of Astrid's pristine and unused armchairs so that she could straddle xyr lap and lower herself onto xyr cock before seizing xyr jaw and gently pouring perfectly-poisoned tea into xyr mouth. 

Xe had gone soft inside her as the poison started to take effect, as xe had desperately clutched at her arms and shoulders and hips, and the vial of antidote had been clenched in her fist. She knew the signs to look for, the indications that xe would need help, and her heart had been in her throat, nearly choking her even when xyr shaking started to ease and xe could once again form words instead of pained sounds. She was _scared_ , she was _worried_ , she was _so fucking wet_. And when she wrapped her arms around Wulf and held xem tight, xe had stiffened inside of her once more, and she had fucked xem tearfully and ruthlessly until xe spilled inside of her.

This time, Astrid dons a pair of leather gloves and uncorks the vial, pressing a folded cloth to the opening and inverting it. It takes a moment for the thick substance to roll down the glass, and it beads on the fabric instead of soaking in. Holding the cloth carefully in one hand, she re-corks the vial and sets it aside before drawing a dagger from where it had been sheathed on her calf. Her eyes come to meet Eodwulf’s as she starts to slowly and thoroughly spread the poison over the blade. If she moves slower than necessary, Wulf doesn’t say anything. Xe knows how she feels about this, knows she needs time to prepare herself.

By the time she’s finished, the dagger has a pearlescent sheen in the candlelight, and it’s beautiful and terrifying all together. 

“Take your shirt off,” she says, and her voice is low.

Tonight, xe complies easily, leaning forward in the chair to remove xyr top and barely flinching at the coolness of wood on xyr bare, heated skin. 

“Good girl,” Astrid says softly, like it’s a secret for just the two of them, and- it _is_ , technically, especially when xe can’t help but shiver at the praise. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, ma’am,” xe says, and it’s true. Wulf is ready, has been ready for this since the last time Astrid pressed her gloved fingers into xyr mouth, bitter with toxin, and made xem suck her gloves clean. Xe had vomited and shook and fallen to xyr hands and knees, tears and drool mixing beneath xem on the floor. All the while, Astrid had knelt next to xem, one hand clutching the antidote and the other on the small of xyr back. She had whispered to xem, telling xem the worst of it was already over with, the next ten minutes would hurt but only like an old bruise, not a fresh wound. Xe had vomited again, but xe believed her.

And she had been right. The ten minutes had passed agonizingly slowly, but she hadn’t left xyr side, hadn’t stopped talking to xem for a moment, and when the feeling finally faded into nothing, she had drawn xem a bath and cleaned xem up and fingered xem until xe came with a whimper. 

Eodwulf wonders sometimes whether xe’s being trained, intentionally or not, to associate poisoning with orgasm. It’s become a routine- Astrid poisons xem, talks xem through it, and makes xem come. Then again, pain and pleasure have always been muddled in xyr mind- maybe this is just the next logical step. Maybe xe was always going to get a boner following near-death experiences. 

And now Astrid is tracing the poisoned blade up xyr stomach, feather-light, barely making enough contact to _feel_ it even as it travels between xyr pectorals. Her eyes are trained on the blade with intense focus as she scrapes the tip over one nipple, then the other, but she doesn’t miss the whimper that leaves xem or the way xe presses xyr chest forward just a bit. 

“Greedy,” she whispers, and Eodwulf nods in agreement. The knife traces beneath xyr tits, still so light, still barely there, but Wulf is already struggling to stay still, to control xyr breathing. There’s a potent mix of fear and arousal inside xem, dread and anticipation swirled together. Xe wants to get away and get closer at the same time, wants more and less, wants to feel the cold, deadly steel of the dagger running so lightly up the length of xyr cock. 

“Astrid,” Wulf whimpers, and she tuts in response. The tip of the dagger presses carefully into the hollow of xyr throat, and xe tips xyr head back to allow her easier access. Xyr pants are far too tight, and xe wonders if she’s as turned on as xe is. 

And then suddenly, _rudely_ , the dagger is gone and Astrid is just staring at xem. Her hand shakes slightly, and Wulf can all but smell an anxiety attack on her. 

“Astrid,” xe repeats, quiet and soft. “It’s okay.”

“I know,” she says, but she doesn’t sound sure. “It just-”

“I know,” xe says, echoing her. "It sickens you to feel this way about me, but you are a curious woman by nature. You want to see just how much I can take." Xe smiles at her, white teeth bared as both intimidation and encouragement, predator and eager prey. "And I want to show you."

That seems to throw a switch within her, because in a breath she has the blade of the dagger against xyr throat, not cutting but so _close_ , and xe doesn’t dare breathe. 

“Open your pretty little mouth for me,” she says, and how can xe do anything but comply?

“There we go,” she murmurs, and traces the dagger up xyr jaw, along xyr lower lip, and finally, _finally_ rests the flat of the top portion of the blade against xyr tongue. 

Wulf _moans_ , xe can’t help xemself- the steel is cold and the poison is spicy-sweet and xe can feel drool already running down xyr chin. Carefully, Astrid drags the dagger against xyr tongue, wiping it clean before turning it to the other side and repeating the action. Wulf’s eyes flutter shut as xe focuses on staying _still_ , on _behaving_ , because that’s what Astrid needs from xem. She doesn’t feed xem the rest of the poison, even though xe imagines her wiping the blade clean with still-gloved fingers and pressing them into xyr mouth, or even gagging xem with the cloth she’d used to poison the blade. 

Maybe xe has a problem.

Astrid sets the dagger onto the same table as the poison, and places her gloves right next to it. Then her fingers are in xyr short hair, tightening in as good a grip as she can get, and forcing xyr head back so she can kiss xem. The kiss is aggressive as she bites at xyr lips and licks into xyr mouth and _growls_ , and that’s when xe feels the poison start to take effect. It’s like xyr chest cavity has been packed with snow- xyr lungs ache and spasm, and xe can feel xyr heart beating slower. It feels _wrong_ and it _hurts_ and xe really, _really_ shouldn’t still be hard. Astrid is still kissing xem, too, making it even harder to get enough air to breathe, much less think. 

At xyr first stuttery inhale, though, she pulls away and watches xem, eyes wide and attentively taking in every detail. There’s something like fear deep in her eyes, but it doesn’t alarm xem. There’s always fear in her eyes when they do this.

“Keep breathing,” she says, and mostly manages to keep the shaking out of her voice. And xe does xyr best to obey, but every breath is agony and xyr vision is starting to go fuzzy and dark around the edges. This isn’t the worst poison xe’s dealt with, but it is uniquely unpleasant in the way it hurts. And then, suddenly, something feels _wrong_ , and it takes xem a moment to realize it’s _her_. She’s trembling violently, and before xe can try and gather the air to reassure her, she’s uncorking the antidote and pouring it into her mouth. There’s a split second where xe’s afraid she poisoned herself, then she’s kissing xem again, pushing the bitter fluid into xyr mouth with her tongue. Xe feels her swallow, and struggles to do the same. The effect isn’t instantaneous, and there’s at least another minute of agony before xyr organs feel like they’re thawing. Breathing gets easier, and the ache of bitter cold fades like standing in front of a lit hearth. 

Astrid has stopped kissing xem and instead has her arms wrapped around xyr head, holding xem to her breast and still shaking. She’s trying to hide the fact that she’s sobbing, but her tears fall hot on xyr naked back and her breath hitches with every inhale. As soon as xe can control xyr arms, xe wraps them around her waist and pulls her close. 

“I’m okay,” xe says, and xyr voice is raspy. “I’m okay, Sassa, I’m okay. I’m alive.”

“I’m sorry,” she gasps, “I panicked, it was- you looked like _them-_ ”

“Oh, darling.” Xyr heart aches for her- xe knows it wasn’t Winter’s Water she used to kill her parents, knows that she will never use that particular poison again, but it must have had similar effects. “Love, it’s okay, I’m okay. I’m alive. I’m right here.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I can’t do this again.”

“It’s okay. I know.” Xe squeezes her tight, and she tightens her arms in response.

“You’re alive,” she says, and Wulf nods as best xe can, held like xe is. 

“I’m alive.”

She laughs wetly. “You’re _hard_.”

“Well, it’s not like you’ve been _conditioning_ me-”

“Hush.” Her voice goes hard, authoritative, and xe snaps xyr mouth shut. She lets go of xyr head, pushes back, and xyr arms fall back to xyr sides. “Can you stand?”

“Yes,” xe breathes, wondering if this is about to go the way xe thinks it will. 

“Then get up and come with me.”

She leads xem to the bedroom, and xyr legs only give out once. Astrid pushes xem onto the bed, unlaces xyr pants with fumbling fingers before pulling them off desperately. Wulf barely has time to lie fully on the bed before Astrid is hiking up her skirt and taking xem to the hilt in one smooth movement. Xe gasps at how hot and wet she is, how suddenly xe’s buried in and surrounded by that heat, how it chases away the remaining cold within xem. She doesn’t waste any time, riding xem hard and desperate, and when xe reaches out to press xyr thumb to her clit, she growls and fucks herself onto xem even harder. It’s a brutal, punishing pace, and Wulf knows xe can’t keep up with her for much longer, especially not when she rolls her hips and rakes her nails down xyr chest.

Wulf doesn’t have to worry about keeping up for long, though, because before xe can warn her xe won’t last, she tightens around xyr cock as she slumps forward with a bitten-off cry. It's almost embarrassing that the desperate kiss she presses to xyr lips is what has xem spilling inside of her before she's even finished coming. The aftershocks of her orgasm nearly push Wulf to the point of overstimulation, but xe keeps xyr thumb on her clit all the same, letting her ride it out until she's satisfied.

“Eodwulf,” she gasps against xyr lips, and the _I love you_ in her tone couldn’t be any clearer.

“Astrid,” xe says, and hopes she understands. Knows she will. 

They lie there quietly for a while, Wulf soft but still inside of her, and Astrid with her ear pressed to xyr chest. She’s listening to xyr heart beating, feeling the gentle rise and fall of xyr chest beneath her, reassuring herself xe’s _there_. Xe can feel warm tears dripping onto xyr skin, pooling between xyr chest and her cheek, but xe doesn’t say anything. Xe just keeps one hand on the small of her back and the other on her head, fingers running through the short, soft hair of her undercut. 

“You’re alive,” she says, finally, and she sounds sure of herself.

“I’m alive.”

“We should bathe.” Despite her words, Astrid makes no attempt to move, and neither does Wulf. Bathing means getting up, means cum dripping down both their thighs, means separating, and neither of them are ready to face what lies outside the bedroom. A dagger to clean, poison to reshelve, goodbyes to be said. They have time, for now. Bathing can wait just a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this please let me know! Comments make my day.


End file.
